So how does Taco Werewolf "do" it, you ask? I
do it like a DARK DANGER, like a morbidly masturbating monkey in
the MANGER. CUM to me and have fun with me and our love could not
be stranger! HAHA! I just accidentally took a drink from this cup nearby.
I thought it was my Cherry Cola but it wound up being a cup of
watered-down whiskey and coke from about TWO WEEKS ago! PHEEEEW! Yucky.
Sucky, sucky, fucky, fucky.
Valentine's Day was a tad bit amusing at work. Ordinarily, I HATE
talking to the customers, having to be friendly to them, or whatever, but
I've been in an especially good mood the past few days; morbid
masturbation has been feeling reeeeeeal good lately! Wee-doggies! A nice,
normal girl came into the porn-store. She was a blonde with pink little
chip-munk cheeks, acting all shy and demure as she asked if I knew of any
good movies she could get for her boyfriend for Valentine's Day. Now,
normally, I HATE this question. The last thing a listless and irreverently
indifferent morbid masturbator like ME wants to do is help some cute,
pornographically-naive and pristine little woman in blue-jeans pick out a
movie for her boyfriend. But I was feeling especially friendly so I guided
the girl to our Valentine's Day Special section where we have a vast
assortment of all sorts of 4-hour compilation videos for the discounted
price of $14.95. Musing to myself, I showed the girl one of these tapes
called "Lord of the Rims" (the title was a play on LOTR, of course).
"Yeah, this over here is a popular selection," I said. "I think it's even
got black hobbits in it."
"Oh really?" the girl said, giggling. "It's not too dirty,
though, is it ? I don't want to get anything really nasty because we'll be
watching it together."
"I mean, how nasty can black hobbits GET anyway?" I said. "They're,
like, in the extreme minority so they have to be careful what they do, you
know?" I was being especially, unusually charming and laughed to myself
after this girl bought a porno tape chock full of FOUR HOURS of girls
licking guys' dirty, hairy assholes. HAHA! Evidently this girl did not
know what "rimming" meant. Black hobbits might actually appear, I guess,
if the guys gets excited enough to squirt a dirty turd in the bitch's
face! AaaaAAHHHH!
Then a working class type fellow comes in in his coveralls, wanting my
advice on the exact same thing. I show him a Valentine's Day classic
called, simply, "Lick My Balls" and the guy is like, "Yup! This'll be the
one, I reckon!" Such a romantic. So blissful and endearing, really, the
images I have in my mind of these two couples sitting at home watching 8
total hours of butthole and scrotum licking, and the whole thing makes me
want to cry, really. What kind of people come to a PORN-STORE looking for
Valentine's Day gifts?
I mean, if you were MY Valentine, I'd do it like a DARK DANGER,
like a morbidly masturbating monkey in a MANGER. CUM to me and have
FUN with me and our love could not be stranger! Hee! Yeah. Um. Whatever.
