I just did my laundry. A little bit later I’m going to eat. I was walking to the store down the road, approaching this girl with long frizzy red hair. She was leaning against her car, smoking a cigarette. I got right next to her and she said, “I didn’t mean to look at you like that. I thought you were my husband.” I was like, “Huh? I didn’t notice you looking at me in any special kind of way.” Then the lady smiled and said, “I’m near-sighted. I thought you were my husband when you turned the corner.” Then she started laughing and I just wish she was a little more attractive. I think she wanted my werewolf cock. I mean, she was average-looking and had freckles. I don’t generally like people with red hair and I really don’t like freckles either. So I just gave her a strange look and kept walking.
I have a neighbor named Hector who is a vile, chubby, masturbating sloth who is always coming over to my apartment to borrow my porn. He knows that I get free rentals where I work and is always trying to get me to rent movies for him. Well, today he comes over, wanting some porn, and he has this grin on his face. He is holding a little wooden box with this sliding lid in his hands. He tells me to slide the lid open. For some reason I was a dumb ass and did it. The box has some mechanism in it so that when you slide the top, this fake, rubber mouse pops out at you. I admit it, I jumped. It sorta kinda startled me, or whatever, and this masturbating sloth starts laughing his ass off. To tell you the truth, I thought it was funny too. I told him I would give him some porn if he got me one of those mouse boxes. He agreed and then we both started kissing; then we started butt-fucking. Then I had microwave popcorn for dinner as Hector lied on my living room floor, holding the mouse box over his cock, rubbing his crotch against the rubber mouse as all the sudden he started crying about my being his only friend.
“Just don’t forget my mouse box.” I told him as I put kernel after kernel of popcorn in my mouth.
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